


I want to hold you (when I'm not supposed to)

by Ma2015



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/M, Idiots in Love, Inner Dialogue, Jealousy, Platonic Sex, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 10:00:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16931157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ma2015/pseuds/Ma2015
Summary: Tessa and Scott accidentally spend the night together in Vancouver after the Walk of Fame gala.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I never read RPF (or ANY fanfiction), and certainly never WROTE any, until these two idiots came to my attention in February. I had no plans to do any writing of my own, but I saw Tessa's Insta story of the hotel bed in Vancouver from a few days ago and this popped into my brain. It was supposed to be a little smutty one-shot, but ballooned into something bigger. So I am going to split it into 2 chapters. *sexy time coming in next chapter if there's any interest* (It's mostly written already)
> 
> Disclaimer - I am sure the timeline is not correct here as to what they did and when they did it in Vancouver/Victoria, so suspend your disbelief accordingly. Also, this isn't necessarily what I think happened between them, but it worked for my story. No one has edited this, so feel free to comment/make suggestions accordingly (is it super confusing? does it suck? maybe). Errors are my own.

_What a long fucking rollercoaster of a week. How was it only Wednesday night?_

Tessa let her head loll back against the backseat of the cab and breathed deeply. She illuminated her phone. 9:08pm. She and Scott were finally heading to their Vancouver hotel to crash after a long day of travel, events, and a dinner with their publishing team. Scott sat across the bench seat from her, idly looking out the window.

_He's tired_ , she thought. She could tell from the set of his face, the slight darkening under his eyes, even in the nighttime darkness. She could read him with a glance, even in the dark. She had plenty of practice doing that on nighttime or early morning car rides. They rode in comfortable silence as the Vancouver streetlights filtered in and out of the backseat.

_Comfortable_ silence. As opposed to the very _uncomfortable_ events together the past few days. She knew that _the girl_ would be there for all those events, it's not like he didn't ask Tessa about it first. Not like she could have said no, of course. It was basically her own fault, Tessa thought. _I was the one who told him no, after all. I basically pushed him into her arms. Knowing how he operates._

It was weird, though, she thought. In the lead-up to all these events, normally his presence, his energy, his support was always there for her, even if he physically wasn't with her. Sending her a stupid text while she got her makeup done. Sending him a selfie of her in a fluffy hotel bathrobe, hair in rollers. Him barging into her room, flopping down on her hotel bed, channel surfing as she flitted around the room doing a last-minute makeup touch-up, or fussing with her hair. His constant presence. And not so long ago, more than his presence. His hands, his lips, his fingers. In the not-so-distant past.

Once _she_ arrived in Toronto the week before, it all stopped. Tessa knew in her head it would, but it still took her by surprise. Tessa filled her time with family, friends, work, hair, makeup, the usual. Plenty to do before the Walk of Fame and Special Olympics events.

But when Tessa arrived that at the first gala of the weekend and saw _her_ in the red jumpsuit, his arms around _her_ , she was taken aback by how quickly her stomach twisted into a tight knot, her heartbeat accelerated and her palms got a little sweaty.

She remembered smiling broadly and promptly turning away to greet another group of athletes (knowing he'd see right through her media face, and she wasn't about to let that happen), slowing her breathing and heart rate. She was so frustrated at herself, just angry that she would allow herself to be affected like that.

_Jesus, get a hold of yourself. Shorter, thicker version of me is right_ , she thought, recognizing her inner Petty Bitch but not quite willing to silence her. And of course, she noticed that Scott's eyes were still immediately drawn to Tessa, like a magnet, and watched him swallow as he took her in and surreptitiously looked up and down her long, lean body (she noticed).

She was thankful she wore the black jumpsuit with the deep V and those heels (and she was damn sure he remembered what they did in her hotel room in Belgium when she was wearing those heels, when he spread her open with her legs over his shoulders and the black stilettos were digging into his back as she keened against his face and he moaned against her center).

She also noticed right away the look of overwhelming distress and misery on his face that he was (unsuccessfully) trying to disguise. _Whatever, babe. You're the one who wanted her here_ , Tessa thought. _You're the one who jumped straight from rebound hookup to showing her off the the country._ But she still hated seeing him like that, in spite of herself.

It was still fine. Saturday night was still magical. The overwhelming emotion, the honor, all the people, her dress. It was just... different than she expected. There was this tension, this tightness between them that just wasn't _right_. And Tessa knew, it was because of _her_. _The other girl_. Wait, not the other girl. She corrected herself. His _girlfriend_. _This is how it's going to be from now on_ , she remembered telling herself when she locked herself in a bathroom stall for a brief moment of reprieve. _This is what you wanted_. But still, the tightness. The knot.

The knot unraveled briefly when they were on the stage together accepting their award. When his voice broke, and he looked at her, her heart raced again, but for a different reason. She whispered, "I'm so proud of you," to him alone, and she meant it. For a moment, it was just them again. Them and their epic, all-consuming friendship, relationship, _love story_ that was, in the end, too big for them to handle.

Anyway, it was fine, she told herself. The gala was fine, if awkward, but they were so busy working the room, shaking hands, doing their _Virtue and Moir thing_ , it wasn't a problem. Just kind of niggling in the background.

After, it got weirder and harder for her to ignore, even though she expected it. There was radio silence after the gala, which she expected. Tessa knew that he was with _her_ and his family and they were doing their own thing. Which Tessa used to be a part of. But she had her own family, her own friends, her own life ( _that's what she wanted, after all, wasn't it?)_.

She stayed plenty busy, slept, worked out, repacked for the trip to Victoria and Vancouver, answered e-mails. But the knot in her stomach felt tighter than ever. _Would it always be like that_? She missed him. She laid in bed in her hotel in Toronto at night, restlessly flipping from side to side, her mind everywhere and nowhere. She didn't want him, not like that, but she missed his presence. She missed their ease together. She didn't know what he was doing or where he was. She wanted to say _it felt like a missing limb_ , but that seemed so dramatic and maudlin. It wasn't like that at all, really. It was just a little weird.

She could handle a little weird. _We're still friends, but this is the new normal_ , she thought. _Friends can't be so intimate when one of the friends has a girlfriend._ And that would be alright. At some point, they would have to transition into this new phase. And she wanted this separation, after all. She could have had him, but she wasn't ready. And she wasn't sure she would ever be ready. 

They flew separately to Victoria. Tessa knew that his girlfriend (girlfriend?!) was flying home at some point before their trip out west. Tessa didn't know when she would be back in the country, but probably soon, knowing him. Tessa didn't ask and he didn't offer. She didn't particularly want to know the details. Not her business, anyway.

They were about to have a long break from each other and media events, and he could do whatever he wanted and go wherever he wanted. With _her_ or whoever else, she thought a little sourly. She had her own plans, anyway. Maybe they involved finding a _tall, dark, ripped someone_ to scratch that itch. _Scott Moir isn't the only man who can make me come_.

It was a still a little awkward in Victoria (she could read it all over his face - _seriously, why isn't he better at that by now_? she thought with a touch of irritation), but they knew the drill. It was a charity event, no pressure (even if he snapped a little with the relationship question - _I swear to God, Scott, they ask us this literally all the time, can you just keep it together_!). But slowly Tessa felt him relax, hour by hour with her. Without her there, the tension dissolved out of his body, little by little, and they got a little closer back to Virtue and Moir, best friends (?). _Whatever the fuck that was_.  
______

Tessa's eyes popped open as the cab pulled up in front of their hotel on the Vancouver harbor. Scott grabbed their bags and they walked into the lobby to check in.

The clerk took their information and began typing on her computer. "Good evening, Mr. Moir and Ms. Virtue. Give me just a moment. I have your rooms right here. 3301 and 3303, harbor view. They are adjacent rooms, I hope that's alright?""

  
"Of course," Tessa said.

  
"Oh, good. We are completely booked up tonight so I appreciate your understanding. Here are your keys," the clerk said. She passed the key cards over the counter to Tessa and Scott. "The elevator bank is right over there."

They took the elevators up to their floor and walked to their rooms. Tessa inserted the key card, opened the door and put her bags inside.

  
" _Fuck_ ," she heard Scott say

She poked her head out in the hallway. "What's wrong?" She said. Scott was sticking the key in and out of the key slot in front of his room, over and over.

  
"Red. I can't get it to open," he sighed. "Dammit. I guess I have to go back downstairs."

  
"Just call down from my room," she told him.

  
At that moment, the door to Scott's (supposed) room swung open and a man in boxers and a white t-shirt looked at him. "Um, can I help you?" the man said. He and Scott looked at each other for a beat.

  
"Uh, I thought this was my room? 3301? Sorry, there must be a mix up," Scott said. "I'll call downstairs."

  
"Yeah, sorry about that. I'm here through Saturday. Definitely my room," the man said, and shut the door.

Scott sighed. Tessa opened her room door more fully and waved him in. He walked into the room and flopped onto her king-size bed face first. "Mmmph," he groaned into the pillow. "I just want to go to sleeeep."

  
"Just call down," Tessa said, poking him gently in the calf as she walked over to her suitcase. She began pulling her clothes out to hang up. "I'm sure it was a mix up and your room's down the hall or something."

  
Scott flipped over to his front and grabbed the phone from the nightstand, hitting the button for reception. "Uh, hi, yes, this is Scott Moir, I just checked in and I was given room 3301? I just got up here and my key doesn't work and someone is in the room and says he's there till Saturday? I think maybe I got the wrong room? Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll wait."

  
Tessa halfway listened as she pulled a black suitdress out of her suitcase, frowning at the wrinkles.

  
"I'm on hold," he mouthed to Tessa. She walked by him on the bed to grab a top out of her suitcase. He poked her side with his socked foot as she walked by. He gestures with his head toward the curtained windows. "Open it, I wanna see the view," he mouthed to her, while covering the receiver.

  
Tessa smiled and rolled her eyes endearingly. "It's dark, Scott," she said with a half smile. She detoured to the window and pulled open the curtains. She could still make out what would be, in the morning, a gorgeous view of the harbor and mountains.

  
Scott waggled his very expressive eyebrows. "Oooh, I hope I get this side of the hotel for my room, too. That will be sweet in the morning," he said.

  
She smiled at his childlike enthusiasm and felt a flutter in her stomach and her heart. Not like the knot from the Special Olympics gala. No, a very different feeling. _Friends can be fond of each other_ , she thought. _Even if he's an idiot who decided to show off his rebound girl at their most important event since the Olympics_.

She heard a tinny voice on the other end of the receiver and saw Scott's brow furrow.

  
"Uh, no, that can't be my room either. 3303 is my, um... my business partner's room. She's in it already," he said.

  
Tessa's stomach clenched a little. _Business partners_. What a fucking stupid phrase, but what else could he say? _My life partner? My platonic best friend who used to not be so platonic? My former lover who I still eye-fuck on and off the ice and we pretend that's normal behavior?_ Whatever.

  
"Yes, I'll wait," she head Scott say and he rolls his eyes a little. Tessa went back to hanging her clothes.

  
"Wait, what?" Scott said into the receiver. "I mean... look, I have traveled all day, I just - that is really not ideal-" and Tessa can tell someone cut him off and is talking to him.

  
He sighed. "Yeah, I'll call you back if I want to do that." He hung up the phone.

"Well, that doesn't sound good," Tessa said.

  
"Ugggh," he groaned. "You're not going to believe this," he said, scrubbing his hand over his face. "They double booked our rooms, apparently. And the hotel is completely full."

  
"Oh," Tessa said quietly.

  
"Yeah. They have another hotel they can move me to and they'll comp the room but it's going to be a 30 minute cab ride. You know everything is booked up for the Grand Prix Final," he said.

  
"Uh huh," she said.

  
"Ugh, I'm just so tired," he groaned. "I do not want to schlep all the way across Vancouver. And we have all that stuff tomorrow. I can't believe this."

Tessa took a deep breath. _It's not a big deal, you've done it a million times before. Just woman up and do it_.

  
"You could, um, just crash here if you want," she said quickly. "I mean, we've done it a million times before."

  
"Uh," Scott said, looking up and meeting her eyes. "I mean, I can sleep on the couch," he said, gesturing with his head to the tiny, hard, decorative couch (more like a small chair) in the corner of the room.

  
Tessa gave him a tight smile and rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. This bed is huge. You'll be, like, a mile away from me the whole night," she said.

  
"Are you sure?" Scott said. She locked eyes with him and felt that familiar flutter again.

  
"Oh yeah. I mean, it's totally crazy for you to move hotels now. Look, it's just one night. We can figure out a better solution tomorrow when we're better rested," she said.

  
"Yeah, okay," he breathed out.

  
"I mean, unless it's like.... a thing for.... with... well, your... you know," Tessa said, dancing over her words and not quite able to get out the word _girlfriend_.

  
"Oh! No. I mean, I may not make a point to tell her, but it's fine. She wouldn't really get it. It's fine," Scott said quickly, waving her off.

  
Tessa didn't know what to say to that. She felt frozen in place.

"Okay, well, if you don't mind I'm going to just use the bathroom and get ready for bed?" He said.

  
"Sure, of course," Tessa said. He padded to the bathroom with his bag and shut the door.

  
She sat on the edge of the bed, rubbed her face, and sighed. It is just _so them_ that he has a girlfriend and just brought her to one of their biggest events ever, causing a colossal meltdown in their fanbase (and a moderate meltdown in Tessa, if she's being honest) and not a week later, they are sharing a _fucking_ bed. _Platonically_. She has to chuckle at the absurdity.

 

Tessa pulled out her pajamas (thin silky shorts and a soft spaghetti strap cami), changed quickly, and shook her hair out of her ponytail. She crawled onto the other side of the bed, flopping back and browsing Instagram on her phone, with her hair fanned out across the pillows.

  
Scott exited the bathroom in black boxer-briefs and a gray t-shirt. She snapped her eyes up to him. In spite of herself, she did have an aesthetic appreciation for _thick Scott_. His neck, pecs, abs under his tight t-shirt, his forearms, _his assets_... 

  
"Sorry," he said, gesturing downward. "I didn't, uh, well I wasn't exactly planning to share a room so I didn't bring pajama pants," he said with a tight chuckle.

  
She smiled. _Get a hold of yourself! He is the one being a dick, parading his new girlfriend in your face! You don't get to think about that_! "It's not a big deal," she said. "I mean, you've seen all this before," she blurted out impulsively, gesturing down her body with an awkward laugh.

  
She felt his eyes rake over her. "Uh, yeah," he muttered. "Uh, well, I'm just going to lay down. Maybe there's something on TV," he said.

  
"Right," she said, feeling stupid. "I'm just going to get ready for bed."

She grabbed her toiletry bag and shut herself in the bathroom. _Great job making that super awkward, Tessa_ , she thought. While she took off her makeup and brushed her teeth, she did think with some petty glee about what _the girlfriend_ would think if she knew that Tessa and Scott were about to spend the night together, in one bed, in their underwear.

_She would lose her shit_ , Tessa thought. She saw the girl staring daggers at her on Saturday night. Not that Tessa really cared. She knew that when the rubber met the road, it was her, Tessa, who had that magnetic draw over Scott, not _his new girlfriend_. He would always choose Tessa over her. _But that really needs to change_ , she thought. 

She exited the bathroom and climbed under the covers on the opposite side of the bed from Scott.

  
"Do you mind if I crash?" He said, turning to her. "I'm wiped out."

  
"Sure," she said. "I'm just going to read for a few minutes."

  
"Night, Tessa," he said. "And thanks again." He turned off the TV and clicked off the lamp on his nightstand. He pulled the covers up over his chest and rolled away from her.

  
Tessa laid on her back and looked at the ceiling. _Is this weird for him? It shouldn't be weird, right_? He was right there but really, it was a massive bed so they might as well have been sleeping separately. Right?

  
She sighed, ignoring her book on the nightstand, plugged her phone into the charger, and clicked off her own light. She could hear Scott's steady breathing, telling her he was close to falling asleep. They had spent enough nights together (both _platonically_ and _non-platonically_ , she thought ruefully) for her to know his sleeping patterns and habits better than her own, almost.

  
Listening to his breathing, she fell asleep right away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote enough smut I had to break it into two chapters! Smut inspired by the Insta story of the bed in the Vancouver hotel (as I mentioned previously) and generally how much happier/loved up these two appeared in their Vancouver appearances compared to a few days prior in Toronto. (in reality, I doubt anything is happening)
> 
> It's been a rough few weeks in this fandom, so I figured I can contribute two chapters of smut to make people feel better *throws glitter*

She woke up in the dark, somehow having migrated closer to the middle of the bed in her sleep. Scott, too, had rolled toward her in his sleep, almost big spoon to her little spoon, but not quite touching his front to her back. Just curled behind her body, close enough she could feel his exhales on her shoulder and feel the warmth radiating from his chest onto her back. 

 

His  _bare chest,_ she noticed, unsurprisingly. She knew he often got hot while sleeping and would peel off a layer in his sleep. Did his  _girlfriend_  know that? Did she know what his breath sounded like when he was almost asleep and when he was deep in slumber? When he was with  _her,_ did they end up tangled in the middle of the bed, drawn together even in sleep? Tessa decided she would rather not know. 

 

She peered at the bedside clock. 4:14 am. She stretched a little. The covers were bunched around both of their waists. Scott shifted toward her. "Mmph," he mumbled. 

_Still probably 80% asleep,_  she estimated. 

 

He reached for her and put his arm across her hip, pulling her a few centimeters closer to him so their bodies were now touching. Tessa held her breath.  She felt him settle against her, his bare chest to her back (also mostly bare with the exception of her strappy camisole). His arm hugged her stomach.

 

_When was the last time this happened? July?_ She thought with a sigh. She had needed space from him, needed to  _breathe_ , needed to be her own person and figure out what came next. She loved him, she  _loves_  him but she just needed to be Virtue, not Virtue and Moir. Maybe forever. She wasn't surprised he jumped into someone else's bed for companionship, but a  _girlfriend?_   Serious enough to bring to their biggest event since the Olympics?  She knew she hurt him, but  _he hurt her back_. 

 

She pulled the covers up over them both, closed her eyes and decided to just enjoy the feeling of him curled asleep behind her for what might be the last time.  _Well, or the last time for a while,_ she thought. It was almost inevitable, them falling together again at some point, she mused. It always had been. It probably always would be, unless they really and truly cut ties with one another, but she felt a little nauseous thinking about that.

 

Scott shifted against her.

 

_Well hello, old friend_. Her eyes popped open at the familiar hardness pressed against her lower back. 

 

"Tess," he mumbled against her hair. He seemed to wake up a bit and realize the situation. He pulled back a bit from her. "Sorry," he murmured into the dark.

 

"It's okay," she whispered. "Sorry if I woke you up." 

 

The quiet darkness seems to help the awkwardness melt away. They lay there for a few minutes, her still facing away from him.  _Did he fall back asleep?_

 

"Tess?" he finally whispered. "I'm sorry about this weekend." 

 

She rolled over to face him.. He looked down at the covers, away from her. He reached up and tentatively stroked a finger across her creamy, freckly bare shoulder. She shuddered, a little. She hoped he didn't notice. (He did.) 

 

"I've just... I know I've been horrible about this whole thing," he mumbled, not looking at her. Just ghosting his finger down her shoulder, her arm, her hand, then back up her arm, her shoulder, her neck, the intimate shell of her ear. "I handled it all wrong." He finally raised his eyes to hers. They looked chocolate in the near darkness of the room. "I just... I miss you.  _So much,"_  he said, his hand stopping to cup the side of her face and locking eyes with her.

 

"Scott," she breathed, melting into him a little.  _His power over her. Their power over each other._

 

Their foreheads met. Alarm bells ringing in her head, but she was powerless to stop it. Of course she wanted him. And she wanted him to want her. His girlfriends and her boyfriends certainly hadn't stood in the way of  _that_. ( _We're both going straight to hell for being such awful people, unless we end up together, which we probably won't because the universe is so fucked up and we can't get our shit together and I don't want a ring and a baby  and -)_

 

He nudged his nose at hers. Their bodies were almost touching, facing each other. 

 

And then suddenly, their lips were meeting, tentatively. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip as they opened their mouths to each other. He grabbed her hip possessively and pulled her body roughly against him, chest to chest, and as he handled her, she made a needy whimper into his mouth.

He pulled away from her, panting a little. "Shit, I'm sorry," he said. "I just... fuck, Tess. You're so beautiful," he murmured, roaming his eyes over her face. "You killed me this weekend. You know I can hardly stand to be around you when you look like that?"

 

"Shut up," she said, wrapped her hands around his neck, and pulled his face back to hers to kiss him. He groaned and licked into her mouth, slipping his leg between her thighs to get her closer. God, she  _knew_  this was a terrible idea, but after this weekend... she needed to know that he was still  _hers_ , that at the end of it, he still wanted  _Tessa_ more than anything else. She recognized that was terribly selfish and possessive. (But no one would ever mistake them for having a strong, emotionally healthy, independent relationship.)

 

She rolled her hips against his leg. "Baby," he murmured, and she whimpered a little at the term of endearment. "Roll back over."

 

She rolled away from him, back to her little spoon position, with him behind her. He moved her hair off her neck and began to kiss her, behind her ear, under her jaw, working down her neck, the top of her spine. Sucking and biting lightly. Not enough to leave marks, he knew better. But enough to set her tingling. He slipped his hands under her camisole top, and ran them over her tight stomach, pulling slightly at the ball of her belly button piercing, stroking right under her breasts. She shivered with anticipation.

 

"Can I..." he whispered against her neck. 

 

She took his hands and pushed them upward, so he cupped her breasts. He growled into her ear and bit her earlobe, and thrusted once, hard, against her ass. She felt herself clench. 

 

He ran his fingers over her nipples, working them into peaks, and groaned.  He pulled away from her slightly, pushed her gently onto her back and rolled on top of her, careful not to put any of his weight on her.  

 

"Is this okay?" he murmured.  Again, their foreheads nearly touching. 

 

Tessa rocked her hips against him (in spite of herself). "I need you," she whispered into his mouth. She knew what effect that would have on him. 

 

He growled and kissed her hard, thrusting his pelvis into her. He pulled the delicate straps of her cami down her shoulders so he pull her top down, freeing her pert breasts so he could lower his mouth to them. 

 

Tessa groaned as he licked and sucked, and nipped with his teeth a little, just how she liked it. 

 

"Can I take this off?" He said, pulling at her cami which was now bunched around her midsection.

 

She sat up slightly and pulled it over her head. Scott lowered his head and moved down her body, licking his way down her tight stomach, stopping to pull at her belly button ring with his teeth. Tessa breathed heavily and squirmed under his body as she felt her panties get damp. 

 

Scott continued crawling down her body until he was crouched between her legs. He kissed the inside of both knees and then ran his nose along the inside of her thigh. Tessa shuddered. He looked up at her from between her legs. 

 

"Scott," she breathed.  _Fuck_ , she knew this was a bad idea but it had been  _five fucking months_   _since she felt his fingers inside her and his tongue on her clit and-_

He nosed at her crotch, and she felt his breath through her thin sleep shorts, and her brain short-circuited, a little. (She knew he was reacting the same way). 

 

"Please," she whispered. 

 

He pulled off her shorts and boyshort panties. She felt his fluffy hair against her inner thigh and the warmth of his face right next to her pussy, not quite touching, just  _breathing_. 

 

"Tess," he murmured. He took his two thumbs and ran them right along the crease where her upper thigh met her hip. Then ran them lightly, so lightly, up and down her labia. Tracing with the faintest of pressure. 

 

"Baby," he said. "You're so beautiful. Do you know that? I can barely take it, sometimes, when I see you. Do you know when I saw you in that green dress, what I wanted to do?" 

 

"Scott," she moaned. He continued tracing lightly all over her, but avoiding where she craved his touch the most. 

 

"I know I couldn't, but  _fuck_ , I just wanted to lay you down and get underneath that green skirt and watch your beautiful face in that dress as I made you come on my tongue," he murmured into her pussy. And then he licked a broad stripe, hard, from the bottom of her pussy all the way to her clit.

 

Tessa gasped, loudly, and thought she was going to pass out. 

 

"I know you can get anyone in your bed you want," he said. Another hard lick, ending with him sucking her clit into his mouth. 

 

Tessa moaned, opened her legs further and lewdly pushed toward his face, craving more. "Stop talking," she muttered. She didn't want to hear this.

 

"But baby... you know it is never going to be like this with anyone else," Scott said. "Only with me."

 

Tessa knew when she told him she needed space,  _maybe forever,_  that she would be losing this, but  _damn_ , it was hard to give up. They knew each others bodies so well. Maybe better than anyone else ever could, she worried.

 

Scott licked her up and down, punctuating each lick with a suck of her clit. He pushed two fingers inside her and Tessa moaned. He knew she loved when he went down on her, but she really loved it when he fucked her with his fingers and crooked them just right against that spot to make her gush. 

 

Tessa grabbed at his hair, pulling him up to her face. Scott left his fingers in her, stroking gently against her front wall.

 

She kissed him hard, messy, wanting to consume him whole. She felt him grinding his hips against her, hard as steel. "Fuck, I'm so close," she panted into his mouth. He added a third finger and rocked his hand against her, rubbing her clit. "Ah!" Tessa cried, as she spasmed around his fingers and dripped down his hand.

 

He held her through it, and slowly withdrew his fingers. He wrapped her in his arms as she shivered, coming down from the high. 

 

He kissed her gently and nuzzled his face against hers. "I love watching you come," he said with a quiet laugh. She sighed, blissed out in his arms for the moment.

 

After a while, Tessa felt the weight of what had just happened settle into them. She was not ready to have  _that_  conversation.

 

"Can we just... deal with this tomorrow?" she whispered. She just wanted to pretend, to imagine, for a little while longer, that they were still together and everything was okay.  _In some other universe where I could be what he needed me to be, and have his ring on my finger and his baby in my belly._

"Tess... I love you," he said hoarsely. "And I respect you, and I know you need to live your life and I'm gonna let you. But I will  _always_  love you, and I will  _always_  want you." She felt his eyelashes rub against her cheek, and he gently sucked her earlobe into her mouth. "But we don't have to talk about it, baby." 

 

_Why are we so fucked up and codependent? A question for another time_. 

 

She shivered a little, in spite of herself, feeling his teeth on her ear. He breathed deeply and she could tell he was trying to control himself and stop before anything else happened, and let her go back to sleep. She felt a little guilty, knowing he was so worked up, but she was so sleepy. 

 

Feeling his warm, strong chest against her, she quickly fell asleep.


End file.
